Here's to those who've seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can't tell the difference.

To our wives and girlfriends... may they never meet.

Here's to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. May we get what we want, but never what we deserve.

A toast to those who wish us well, the rest of you can go to hell.

I'd like to make a toast to so-and-so's birthday. Here's to your health.... Unfortunately I lost mine drinking to everyone else’s.

May the best of our past be the worst of our future.

Here's to staying positive and testing negative.

May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers!

The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift, because it’s the present.

Here’s to alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

There are big ships and there are small ships, but most of all... there are friendships.

Some ships are wooden ships, and those ships may sink, but the best ships are friendships, and to those ships we drink!

To nipples! Without them, boobs would have no point.

Here’s to the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring – and the suffering.

Here's to the kisses we've snatched, and vice-versa.